Diary of a Police girl
by Shivvy
Summary: The daily observations and secrets found in the dairy our favorite fledgling vampire, Seras Victoria. An attempt at a humorous fic that’s still IC.
1. The pros and cons of being a vampire

A.N: Finally I start my new story with a burst of creative juices. This chapter was actually written second, after I decided it needed a little more set up. I'm going to call this _general_/humor, as generally I'm sure I'm the only one who finds my slightly dry brand of humor funny. It's not however one of those crazy random OOC humor fics, just a fic that is humorous. Got that? This chapter in itself is fairly blah, but it's a necessary setup for future chapters.

Disclaimer: I don't own much really....And certainly not Hellsing.

Rating: Um, pg-13 should cover my ass I think this time. I can still say ass a lot if it's PG-13, right?

Warnings: I haven't yet decided if this is anime or mangaverse (or some bastard child of the two) so look out for spoilers from either.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

The waning moon was still mostly full, and sat heavy in the sky. Seras Victoria, former police person and human lay stretched out on her coffin/bed in her regulation Hellsing jammies.

Having lost nearly everything she owned before, she had nevertheless convinced the higher ups to retrieve a single box of her worldly possessions.

Seras now sat on said bed coffin, pilfering through the box of faded photo albums and favorite cds CDs. Finally she spied a slightly worn leather bound book. Her eyes brightened as she lifted it out, happily flipping through the pages.

The simple gold leaf on the inner cover simply stated "Diary of:" written below that in her broad yet neat cursive where the words "Seras Victoria". And beneath was a tiny note that said "Kitten". She looked at her old nickname fondly for a moment before scratching it out and replacing it with the words "Police girl".

That done, she flipped to the last few entries she had made.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

_September 8th - Dear Diary,_

_Today I've finally been taken off of my two_

_month training and desk duty restriction. I'm not_

_a rookie anymore! This means I'll finally be able_

_to go on real field missions._

_Being assigned to D-11 has been great, and_

_always being around the station has given me a_

_chance to really get to know the guys I work_

_with. But I'm really excited to be able to put my_

_training as a field medic to work. I did it_

_Daddy, I'm finally a real cop!_

_-Kitten_

_September 12th - Dear diary,_

_Today we had a little "party" in honor of my_

_first field mission. It wasn't anything special,_

_just a drug raid that turned out to be nothing,_

_but it feels good to finally be out there._

_This party consisted mainly of the guys bringing_

_in lots of pizza and beer and getting ripped._

_Much slapping on the back and all around drunken_

_congratulations were had._

_Parker made a point of slapping me on the ass as_

_a sign of his approval. I laughed it off_

_and punched him in the arm, he said he loved his_

_women rough. If he hadn't been drunk I would have_

_decked him. Thank God I don't get drunk and do_

_stuff like that. Well don't get drunk **anymore**,_

_not after getting blitzed at that party in_

_high school and kissing Debby Johnson during that_

_game of truth or dare. I thought I'd never live_

_that down._

_-K_

_September 14 - Dear Diary,_

_Today I've been informed we are going on an_

_important scouting and apprehension mission in a_

_little town west of England. We should be heading_

_out in a few hours and hitting our target when_

_darkness falls._

_I can tell everyone is a little nervous,_

_apparently this isn't just any normal offender. There_

_have been rumors were are going after a suspected_

_serial killer._

_Harris the squad captain pulled me aside and_

_only half jokingly asked me if I thought I was_

_too "rookie" for this one. Even though it squicks_

_me a little to think about what might happen, I_

_don't want them to treat me with Kidd gloves_

_forever. How will I break free of my namesake if_

_I don't stay firm?_

_So I told him I'd be fine with more conviction_

_than I feel about all of it. Are you proud of me_

_Daddy? I'll keep doing my best._

_-Kitten_

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Seras sniffed delicately as she stared at the words in front of her. Never in her wildest dreams would she have imagined something like what transpired that night would have happened. But here she was, a vampire sitting in her convertible coffin.

With a huff she picked up her pen again and started writing.

-_The pros and cons of being a vampire_-

Yes, that looked good. She chewed absently on her lip and tapped her leg with her pen as she starred at the blank page before drawing a straight line down the middle.

She might as well start with the biggies.

-

_Pros: Eternal life. Advantage: excessive._

-

Yes, there was always that. This was the one thing she hadn't really taken seriously yet.

Sure she was stronger and faster but...would she really live forever?

It was an odd and foreign concept to someone who figured she would live well and die in the line of duty just like her Father.

-

_Pros: Enhanced senses/relaxes/abilities _

_Advantage: extreme_

-

Who hadn't wished to be better in life? Aside from the enhanced vision she had experienced, and the accidental crushings of things, she hadn't seemed so different, yet.

_-_

_Cons: Can't eat regular food. Disadvantage: :(_

_Have to drink blood. Disadvantage: _

-

So far this was the _least_appealing aspect of being a denizen of darkness. The very thought of drinking blood repulsed her, yet it was so very tempting. In life Seras was always a very reserved person, indulging in very few of life's vices (the occasional sweet being one of them). It was startling to crave something so badly. So much that the need permeated every fiber of her body. It was frankly quite unsettling.

-

_Cons: Limited sunlight exposure. Disadvantage:_

_great_

-

While not being able to go out in the sunlight was going to suck, it's not like London was ever _that_ sunny. In life she had never had a tan, and was usually a bit of a night owl anyway... The only great drawback she could she was not being able to go shopping at most malls, and having to pay for the matinee at movie theaters. But score for the midnight showings!

Seras went back and crossed out "great" and replaced it with "medium".

-

_Pro: Special vampire powers. Advantage:?_

-

Since those hadn't really come to frutation, she couldn't really say.

Seras yawned and closed the book, not being able to think of much more for now. She hadn't really tested a lot of the things she thought might just be lore.

The young vampire glanced around surreptitiously before stowing the diary under her parents wedding photo album. Even if it wasn't as racy as some people diaries, it was still very private.

Left now with nothing but her thoughts, she found her eyes wandering to the seemingly ever present ice bucket on her table.

Warily she made her way over to it, poking it experimentally with her finger and gauging its temperature. Even ice-cold, the red liquid seemed to dance in the light, beckoning her invitingly. Her mouth watered, and she quickly tried to squelch her desires.

_'My God, it's blood! How can you even think about drinking it?!_' said angel Seras, _'It's in your nature now, how can you resist?_' replieddevil (yet no less angelic) Seras.

She bit her lip, pulling the tab off the top almost against her will. The sweet fragrance wafting up to tantalize her senses.

'_What if someone needs this blood for a transfusion? But don't I need it just as much to_

_keep living? Maybe just a little nip to tide me over_' She reasoned with herself, lips hovering over the straw-like opening.

_'What would daddy say?_' flashed inexplicably through her head.

"What indeed." she growled out loud at herself. Not yet, she wasn't ready for this. With a huff she stomped to the bathroom, and emptied the blood bag into her toilet bowl.

_'You should drink your blood Police girl_.' came the rich unmistakable voice of her Master; seemingly coming from the toilet like some porcelain God now inhabited it.

_'Jebus!_' she thought with a jump, nearly dropping the bag into said bowl.

"Master! Please don't sneak up on me like that!" her weak heartbeat gave a noticeable thump from the shock. She still wasn't used to him popping in and out, and whispering into her head.

_'How will you ever stop being a kitten if you only grow weaker?_' he laughed, before his presence faded.

Seras' eyes went round, and she wondered if he had been reading her mind earlier. With a "harrumph" she threw the nearly empty blood bag against the wall with a splat, and stomped back into her bedroom.

She plopped onto her bed and dug her diary back out, opening to the page she had previously been at.

-

_Con: Annoying Master. Disadvantage: great_

-

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Well there you go. With much hemming and hawing and taking of notes, I have finally started writing again. I just got a burst of (caffeine induced no doubt) inspiration at 3 or so in the morning and just started writing.

Two chapters and one slightly crappy first person introspection piece later, I appear to still be awake. Yay for mountain dew.

I've decided to split the original set of story ideas into two separate ones. So unless I get a wild hair, this will most likely just remain a slightly dry humor piece with no real pairings to speak of.

Don't fear my drunken multi-shiptastic Christmas extravaganza shall go on. If anyone wants to see any weird pairings in this (Iscariot and Hellsing characters only) just drop me a line in an email or a review. Seriously, challenge me!


	2. Operation make friends with the staff: W...

Disclaimer/A.N: Two chapters written in a burst. Disclaimer etc same as the first.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Seras sat in front of her small wooden table, a red leather bound book lying open in front of her. She stared at the blank pages for a moment before putting the pen to paper.

_September 22 - Dear Diary,_

_It has been one week today since I was embraced_

_by the darkness. Boy that sounds a bit cheesy._

_Anyway, I'm still figuring out what it means to_

_be a vampire. The very thought of drinking blood_

_still disgusts me, despite what my Master says_

_about it being natural. But I suppose a lot of_

_what guys tell me is natural seems quite_

_disgusting to me. _

_My other life appears to be far away now. I_

_really miss the boys at D-11, even if they did_

_treat me like a little girl sometimes. The_

_soldiers here are quite different; they either_

_look at me like I was a monster or a piece of meat. I'm_

_still steaming from all the comments I've gotten_

_about my uniform. If I ever find out who designed_

_it... _

_Anyway, I decided today to try and befriend some_

_of the staff. Most of the soldiers seem like a_

_waste of time to me, but I haven't met them all_

_yet. At the very least I hope I'll be able to_

_scare them into treating me with a bit more_

_respect._

_Sir Integra is quite imposing, and doesn't appear_

_to like me very much yet. I'm hoping she will_

_warm up to me eventually however. _

_The only person who has been any kind of_

_friendly to me is Hellsing's retainer and butler_

_Walter. He has kind of an old-world charm that_

_reminds me of how men used to act in the movies._

_He's also one of the only men I've met who looks_

_me in the eyes when he talks to me. In fact, a_

_funny thing happened today..._

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Seras looked both ways before walking into the kitchen. It was tidy and gleaming, all white porcelain and polished stainless-steel. But the small red refrigerator off in the corner is what caught her eye. She stood still for an instant, eyeing it with both longing and contempt for a moment before being startled out of her revelry.

"You don't have to be afraid of sneaking a snack every once in awhile when you need it Miss Victoria," said the teasing voice of the previously unnoticed butler.

Seras spun on her heel, looking much like a child caught with her hand in the cookie jar. How could she have missed him standing there?

"N-no it's okay," she said with an involuntary shudder "I'm not really hungry." Even to her ears she knew it must have seemed like she was lying. The slightly thin drawn appearance of her pale skin gave away her hunger for all to see.

Walter smiled at her with a slight twinkle in his eye before turning back to what he was doing. Preparing tea Seras now saw. The shining silver tea set and fine porcelain cups sat ready on the counter to his right.

"Would you like to help me?" he asked with the ease of someone who seemed used to talking to half-starved vampiric girls. "I was just about to begin preparing Sir Integra's evening tea, but I have some time to chat."

Seras looked at him warily for a moment, like a wild cat sniffing the air and flicking its tail in uncertainty before her face brightened a bit. After the week she had had, some friendly company sounded quite nice.

"I'd love to," Seras said, regaining some of her sunny disposition.

"Wonderful," Walter said, handing her a shiny copper kettle. "Would you fill that up and set it on the stove for me?"

Seras did so and turned on the burner to let the water heat, pleased to do something so mundane and human.

"So, Mister Walter. How long have you worked for Hellsing?" Seras ventured, tossing out a nice safe line of conversation. Walter's warm laughter washed over her as he finished setting the dainty tea cakes Integra rarely ate on the platter.

"Quite a long time," He said finally, sitting down at the well used table in the corner.

"_That_ long huh?" The young vampire said, hoping to glean a bit more information as she sat down across from him.

"Oh yes, _that_ long indeed. You see it all started around world war two..." He leaned

forward on his elbows, tenting his fingers as his eyes gained the kind of mist one gets in them while reminiscing of long ago.

"Surely you can't be old enough to have served in world war two!" Seras said a little shocked. Why that would make him at least... she mentally started counting off the decades.

"Well I was little more than a boy then. But my particular talents gained the eye of Hellsing, who recruited me to fight against some of the tougher axis midians..."

Seras leaned forward, captivated as always by a good war story. Her grandfather had told her many in her youth, and his tales of no doubt embellished heroism had helped contribute to her desire to be a cop. A modern day hero one might say.

"Midians? Do you mean vampires? Like as in, Nazi vampires? Wow that sounds almost like the topic of some bad conspiracy novel or video game." Seras laughed as she listened to him reminisce about the "old days". She wondered if it should make her nervous that he seemed to remember killing vampires so fondly. That thought was quickly put on hold as the keening of the teapot brought them back to the present.

"Just let me get that," he said, rising up with a slight protesting creek of his joints he walked over to take the kettle off the stove.

"Would you like some?" he asked as he switched the burner off.

"Can I? I mean, am I able to?" Seras said with more than idle curiosity.

"Well it won't hurt you. Anything liquid should be quite safe for your consumption."

Seras brightened up considerably at this prospect, instantly wondering if ice-cream counted as a liquid. "I'd love some Mister Walter." She said with a hundred watt smile, more at ease than she has been since being turned.

"Just Walter is fine," he said with a slightly less bright but no less endearing smile. With practiced ease he poured the hot water over the fragrant teabags before setting them down on the table to steep.

"All right just Walter," she said happily as she picked up her spoon and poked experimentally at the squishy bag of herbs. The first rule of roper tea was to never "bruise" the teabag, but Seras was anxious for her first taste of anything in nearly a week.

Walter smiled slightly at her exuberance as he set the tea server next to them on the wooden table top. "How do you take your tea?" he asked her in a very butler-like manner. He had always been of the firm belief that the way a person took their tea was a testament to their personality. He of course took his plain, like a proper British man.

"Sugar and cream please," she answered just as he expected she might. The sugar and cream told him she hadn't lost her childish whimsy.

"Ah I'm afraid I've forgotten the cream. Neither Integra nor I ever use it. Would you be a dear?" he asked glancing at the large industrial stainless steel icebox against the wall.

"Of course," the young vampire said bouncing to her feet. She opened the door and quickly scanned the first few shelves, trying to keep her eyes from darting to her nemesis: the red fridge.

"Royal dairy, purple label, it should be near the bottom Miss Victoria." he said with an implacable tone in his voice. Seras 'mmphed' as she bent over to retrieve the hidden half quart of cream, her hand feeling around the bottom shelf until she finally found it.

"Aha," she said as she turned around to present Walter her prize. She raised her eyebrow at him for a second, before realizing what his slightly flustered appearance must mean.

Tomboy that Seras was, she only rarely wore skirts, much less those of the mini variety. She had just been giving the aged Hellsing retainer quite a nice view of her standard cotton whites no doubt.

Seras cleared her throat, straightening her skirt as she repressed the blush that must be staining her cheeks now; even though frankly she wasn't sure if vampires _could _blush.

Setting the cream on the table next to her tea, Seras sat down with a crooked smile playing at her lips. She wondered vaguely if the older man had somehow planned this.

"So," Seras fumbled, pulling out the teabag and stirring the contents of the delicate porcelain cup slowly. "tell me more about your younger days. I bet you were quite the rake." She said with a mischievous smile as she dropped her lump of sugar in the cup with a muted plop.

Walter made a funny face that perhaps indicated some of his tea had just gone down the wrong way before clearing his throat again. "I assure you I've always been a perfect gentleman," he said with a teasing tone that lead one to believe his words were not to be trusted on this.

Seras smiled as she took a small sip of the still steaming liquid. The heat of it warmed a trail down her body, and she let out a contented sigh as she began to feel a bit more "human".

"Now now, a man of your _years_, "she said the word with twisting of her lips "must have had at least a few great romances." she said taking a slightly longer pull on the hot tea.

"Well... I seem to remember this lovely Swedish girl I met in Normandy..."

And so they spent a good while chatting amicably and swapping stories. Seras found the older man to be equally fun to talk with and to tease. She had a feeling they would have stayed there into the night if Walter hadn't suddenly remembered he had forgotten to bring Sir Integra her tea. He apologized profusely as he hopped up to re-warm a cup before dashing off.

Seras giggled as she nearly skipped back to her room, happy to have found a friend.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

_... I feel like I'm finally starting to fit in a_

_little better at Hellsing. Having made at least_

_one friend, perhaps this will help me segue into_

_making a few more._

_I found Walter to be open and honest and all_

_together charming. And while he does look me in_

_the eyes when we talk, I have a feeling he might_

_just not be a breast man. He reminds me a bit of a_

_proper stuffy librarian who can't help but look at_

_a young woman and long for his younger days. But_

_needless to say he could be quite fun to talk to_

_in the future._

_I feel much better getting something warm into_

_me, but the hunger pains have far from subsided._

_I keep expecting Master to pop through the walls_

_with a pilfered blood pack in hand, or talk_

_through my toilet again the next time I try to_

_dispose of said blood. He is kind of creepy, but_

_charming is a weird sadistic sort of way. Maybe_

_if he would start using my name I'd listen to him_

_a bit more often._

_Sigh Tomorrow I'm meeting the rest of my_

_squad. If the guys I met at the firing range are_

_any indication this likely won't be pretty. Stay_

_calm Seras, what was it Daddy always said? _

_"Be strong and look 'em in the eye, don't let them_

_think they are better than you because you are a_

_girl. And if all else fails, beat a few of them_

_up." Daddy was always so protective of me when he_

_was alive, but he made damn sure I knew how to_

_protect myself._

_I wonder if he ever thought I'd be able to_

_scare any guy into submission with just a growl._

_Well I'm sure I can, not that I've tried it. But_

_I have been scowling at the mirror an awful lot_

_trying to get down my menacing look. Seems no_

_matter what I I just seem to look like a big_

_fanged kitty. Sigh, oh well. Hopefully I won't_

_have to kick anyone's ass tomorrow._

_-Seras_

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

I have a ton of ideas for the next few chapters. I'm thinking the next one will be Seras and the soldiers centric. But after that I think an Integra chapter is in order.


End file.
